Silence Lost
by mega-mutt
Summary: Just a songfic about some of Trillian's thoughts after Earth is demolished. Slightly OOC as I'm not sure she would think this much.


_**Silence Lost.**_

**_Author's Note_**: Hi, everyone. This is just, to put it simply, a one-shot songfic of some of Trillian's thoughts when Earth was destroyed. The song is "Silence Lost" by The Screaming Jets. This song happens to be my all-time favourite and I had been meaning to write a songfic with it for a while. To be precise, a year, give or take a few weeks. Also, I don't own Trillian, Zaphod, Arthur or "Silence Lost". Obviously, they belong to Douglas Adams and The Screaming Jets. Don't forget to review either…

_How do you say goodbye to someone you don't know? Never got to show. I don't know, can you tell me.  
You take a life in your hands every time you wake.  
There's not a single break.  
Each step a new mistake.  
If I fall will you catch me? _

When I first met Zaphod, I knew that there would be problems. For starters, it had only been minutes until the guilt kicked in. What would happen to that Arthur guy that I had fobbed off for Zaphod? Secondly, what would happen to my family? All they would know was that I went to a party and vanished off the face of the earth. I suppose that's right in a way. That party was the last I ever saw of Earth and I never thought of it again. Until I met Arthur.

_I can't get away from this feeling that  
I've done something wrong.  
I've had to go back and  
I never thought it'd come to that.  
Take the risk and pay the cost. _

When Arthur came in, still wearing his pyjamas and claiming that Earth had been demolished, that was when I realised how helpless humankind really was. Over thousands of years, my species had evolved, in mind and body. Humans had creating many civilisations, some powerful and thriving over centuries, some weak and diminished. All destroyed in a few seconds and the only survivor was a scared, confused man in his dressing gown.

_  
Search my head and try to find.  
There's no simple way  
I know I've lost not gained. I cant cry,  
so don't show me,  
still don't know how to say goodbye to someone I'll never know.  
This fire inside me grows.  
Will I ever know? _

The sight alone almost made me cry. However, I stopped myself. I had to be strong; I felt that if I cried, all hope would be lost. All of the guilt I had on the night I left Earth had been locked away and buried deep in the unreachable parts of my conscience. The moment Arthur came in, the guilt I had withheld for six months multiplied and came back, stronger than ever.

_  
I can't get away from this feeling maybe  
I've done something wrong.  
I've had to go back and  
I never thought it'd come to that  
was the risk worth the loss? _

Arthur made me question everything I ever believed from Zaphod. The gorgeous two-headed man that I had followed like a lovesick puppy told me that Earth would be fine without me. He said that I shouldn't worry about my friends or family, they would just think I left the country. Why was I naïve enough to believe him? Now that earth was destroyed, it meant that the whole history of the planet, the thousands of years, the thousands of civilisations, would only be significant to two people. Once we were dead and gone, there would be no proof that my magnificent planet even existed.

_  
Don't stand for nothing, don't believe a word they say.  
I see tomorrow in the faces of today.  
I wish this was a dream and not reality but its too late.  
I can see … that it's too late. _

Now I can see, it would be pointless to dwell on this. Like Zaphod said, live by the moment and don't look back. It's actually a pretty good strategy. I might as well accept it, Earth is finished and even if Arthur and I had children, they would never be able to start it again.

_I've had to go back and  
I never thought it'd come to that.  
I've had to go back and I never thought it. Should've seen it coming,   
I've had to go back and  
I never thought it'd come to that. With a strangled cry, the silence lost. _

Really, I should have been expecting this. I knew that sooner or later, a painful memory of the life I left behind would come and give me a good kick in the ass. I should have known better than to bottle my guilt up and forget about it. It's just amazing that one incident leads to another until the tiniest little thing, like me leaving Arthur at the party, could lead to one huge explosion where I can't hold a single thought without suffering the pain of homesickness and guilt.

**_Author's Note: _** Thank you for reading this right through to the end. Like I said, I've been meaning to do this songfic about a year but I had never gotten around to doing it. It ended up taking minutes as I had already mulled over the words for months. Anyway, please read and review.


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